


Sweet Victory

by DeadNation666



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Meme, everything is cake, implied gunplay?, shitpost, this is really short sorry i just wanted to strike while the iron is hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25365166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadNation666/pseuds/DeadNation666
Summary: haha funny meme
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	Sweet Victory

It's the end of Borderlands 2. You've just defeated Handsome Jack and the Warrior.

Lilith approaches Jack to finish him off, placing her hand on his face, but her face scrunches up in an odd mixture of confusion and disgust. It fades quickly, though, as she shakes her head and ends him. The smell of burnt toast lingers in the air. She rubs her fingers together.

"Weird," she says, "his blood is really sticky."

With a puzzled look, you, the vault hunter, go to collect your trophies. You unclip his ruined pocketwatch, riddled with bullets, and rifle through his pockets for cash. Notably, his blood is, like Lilith said, oddly sticky. you shrug it off, maybe being up on that space station all the time does something to your blood. maybe he nutted on his gun beforehand, and that's why it was so tacky. Who cares, you think to yourself, you can clean it off easily enough. You go to peel off Jack's mask and see what lies beneath once and for all.

It's cake.

There is no face under there, no defeated, lifeless expression, no blood, no hideous scars hidden from sight, only frosting-bound layers of spongy, moist red velvet cake.

Handsome Jack's laughter emanates ominously from your ECHO device as raspberry jam filling oozes from his cake body double, the smell of burnt patisserie and gunpowder lingering heavy in the air. You stand stunned, looking at your counterparts. Are they seeing this shit too? Lilith hesitantly licks a crimson-stained finger.

"Raspberry jam?" she mutters in disbelief. Zer0's display flashes "WTF" behind their sniper scope from across the makeshift arena. Jack, the real one, continues to lose his absolute shit over the ECHOcast as the team stand, bewildered and defeated, under the hot Pandora sun.

"Hey Maya! Axton! Come take a look at this shit!" Salvador says, breaking the silence, pointing to the body of the Warrior, into which he has, for some reason, sliced with a knife. "This motherfucker's made of cake!"

**Author's Note:**

> the fic is cake too btw
> 
> Edit: this fic was inspired by Fiddle's artwork (linked below)!  
> https://twitter.com/GlitchedHound/status/1284460931414515713


End file.
